baby in hiding

At the 39 week mark, the baby is still comfortably ensconced in his home and shows no signs of leaving early. L got selected to participate in a UPenn research study as a control group subject. She gets $25 (whoo hoo), a couple of ultrasounds, and an X-ray a few weeks after the delivery.

Guinea pig or not, it gave us an opportunity to see how junior looks. As he gets bigger, it becomes increasingly difficult to see any specifics in the ultrasound due to his size and the relatively narrow view of an ultrasound. Though it is hard to tell, the picture below is a profile of his face and hand. At least we did get confirmation that junior is in fact still a boy.

We also learned that he's about 7.1 pounds, though about one pound up or down. I could have come that close. i also learned that his femur is about 76mm long....

naming rights

Congrats to Seshu and Sangeeta on the arrival of their little bundle! Mom and baby look extremely good and we wish them the absolute best! Funnily, they gave their new baby boy the same name that is atop our short list.

As we worked through trying to find the perfect name, we explored a number of sources: baby name books, friends, obscure maps, fruits, plant types, etc. Clearly there are more options for creative girl names than boys. Actually research shows that girls with unique names seem to excel in school while boys with unique names do worse than average. I'm not sure where that research was done, but it is one small piece of information to discourage the use of a unique name for our boy.

As we narrowed our list down to the final five, we started sharing them with the extended family and friends. A few got ruled out right away due to existing associations with ex boyfriends, gangsters, etc. while a few others remain on the list. Our favorite (right now anyways) is Rohan. When we first came across that name, i had never actually heard of it, but it turns out that it is becoming a rather common Indian name in both India and here (never mind the LOTR reference).

The Social Security Administration keeps records of name popularity going back to the 1900's for the top 1000 names. Surprisingly none of the standard Indian names seem to show up (Ravi, Raj, Amithabh, etc), yet Rohan went from 999 per million in 1990 to 504 / million in 2003. Someone created a great graphical site of the same SSA data.

A part of me wants to default to a different name on our list since Seshu & Sangeeta named their kid Rohan. I think however, that is an Indian's desire for uniqueness in ones name more than anything else. Were we all Italian, the kids would probably both end up named Tony.

squeaky quiet

L's mom got here over the weekend so it will be great to have another hand to help out. We're 1.1 weeks away from the big day and everything seems on schedule.

Its funny how one can go through and tolerate something for months on end, but when someone else points it out - it appears everywhere. The "it" here are the perenially squeaky doors that pervade our townhouse. Of the 10 odd doors in the house, 9 produce a signficantly loud and obnoxious squeak whenever opened.

L and I have never paid any attention to said squeak, but the thought of struggling to put little baby R/K/S (name still undecided at this point) to sleep only to have him aroused by such a squeak.....well, a little WD-40 took care of those 9 doors....

car seat install

As Seshu mentioned in his post, car seat installation is a big deal. Something like 9 out of 10 car seats are installed incorrectly.

I of course, being of the male gender and engineering degree in hand, fiercely believe that I am among the 10% who can do it properly. So, i installed our

without too much problem, and i do see the many ways in which an error could be made. Between making sure its level, restricting the side-to-side movement, the fore / aft movement, ensuring the seat belt goes through the appropriate recesses, etc. Although it feels installed fairly well to me, I will go - pride in hand - to my local police station to get it checked.

Unfortunately, the local station only will be checking them the day after the baby is due :-). Definitely check seatcheck.org to find a place near you.

new resources

I found a couple of great links while roaming around the web. The first is from the author of Expectant Father, Armin Brott. He writes a weekly column in many newspapers (which unfortunately isn't carried in the wsj) on fatherhood. The site is Mr Dad.

Also, the author of The Baby Book, Dr. Sears has an informative site at Ask Dr. Sears

I haven't spent a lot of time on the latter, but the former site is already proving to be a great resourse. Topics include:

• Excluded by OB

I for one have had mixed experiences at the OB. Thus far, i've only missed one appointment, but most of the doctors treat me as an equal, more or less. A few don't notice i'm in the room, but most look my way while discussing one thing or another. I wonder if it is a generational thing with the doctors as most of them in our practice seem younger. And maybe the affliation with a teaching hospital helps.....

• Midnight Wakeups

Undoubtably a soon to be relavant issue.....

etc. etc.

stroller frustrations II

So its been more than a week by my count and still no new stroller part. I called Baby Trend again, and the window is now 7 - 10 working days. Good grief, UPS ground is faster than that. What are they using, an Ox cart?

UPDATE 1 -- I called Baby Trend again yesterday evening to confirm when my products were shipped and what products were actually shipped. They were unable to confirm what they actually shipped me -- something about a printer jam. But the ship date of said unknown products was April 13...So, 2 days after i called them. maroons.....

UPDATE 2 -- Got the part today via Fed-Ex ground. Guess 5 days isn't too bad from CA to PA. Anyways, part actually fits and the stroller / car seat works great. Its not super snug, but with the retention strap, the car seat isn't going anywhere and it is level! Whoo Hoo....don't have to take an extra trip to the baby store to find a different stroller!

pediatrician shopping

Like all good parents, we want the best for our kid. That has meant that we do everything we can to ensure a good / safe pregnancy, finding a good OB doctor / hospital, getting the best / safest baby products, etc.

The next step is to find a pediatrician that we are both happy with, likes kids, has kids, will like our kid, is available/flexible, etc. etc. Complicating this search is that we're relatively new to the area and don't know lots and lots of people with kids. Add to that the lack of an amazon.com like rating guide for services....Makes the overall search a bit more challenging.

Nonetheless, we did meet a handful of doctors recommended by both office colleagues and the pre-natal classes. We came armed with our lists of things to look for a in a doctor with whom one might expect our child to grow older with. One clear change in medicine i think, at least from when i was a kid-- is the increase in group practices. Rather than singular doctors, multiple doctors may see your kid through the practice. While you can plan to meet with your preferred / favorite doctor for scheduled appointments -- for emergencies, it could be anyone in the practice. For both the doctor and the patient this has enormous benefits, but you do loose some of the personal interaction you might have had in the past.

Meeting with the doctors was pretty basic -- what can you really ask them? We had some standard questions, but until you see the interaction between doctor and child, i think it is hard to make a fully informed decision.

Making things easier, the doctor who had us wait for 30 min before we left was the first one off the list. Yes I understand that doctors get backed up, but maybe it's because i went to an Ops centric school that I cannot stand such things. We felt better about ditching the doctor when the receptionist said "he isn't going to like that" when we left the office before meeting with the doctor. Whatever - my time is just as valuable.

In the end, we've settled with the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia which has the unfortunate acronym of CHoP.

giant industry

Though I knew it would happen when I signed up for the free subscription to American Baby, I didn't realize it would happen so quick and so aggressively.

Today we received a one week "sample" supply of baby formula from Semilac. Previously we've also received three coupons for a free bag to be requested for when we're at the hospital -- just in case we need to carry around some formula in a special bag.

In addition to the formula, there have been dozens of huggies copouns, babies'r us flyers, etc. I'm not complaining per-se, i like saving money, but.....

I guess one is never too young to become a future customer. I'm just waiting for the salespeople to show up at the doorstep.

what's a doula

It seems that throughout history the role of the male in childbirth has continued to change. According to the books i've read (as i have no interest in anthropology) women were always surrounded by other women when giving birth. These women were usually experienced having been through their own births and/or witnessed others.

Even in recent times, women were heavily drugged for childbirth and men were not allowed in the room - asked to wait and pace nervously with a cigarette dangling from their fingers. Only to jump up and down and hand out cigars once a nurse told them the good news.

Most hospitals have updated their view of paternal participation in the childbirth significantly as well as their use of pain medication. But -- again, according to the stuff i've read -- what's been lost is the female / experienced person's role in the delivery.

The Doula Association exists to bring back some of that support...Or at least that's what they hope us to believe. They aren't there to get between the partner and the woman giving birth, but to help the partner help the future mother. They strongly believe in "natural" births and prefer not to use any medication if avoidable.....Various statistics point to decreased complications, c-sections rates, etc. that their role appears beneficial to all.

I've heard many a story of men fainting, forgetting all the breathing techniques, etc. that having someone to support me in my attempt to support L seems like a good idea. And given that i have a tenuous hold, at best, on the proper breathing techniques, I'm going to need all the help i can get.

3 weeks and counting

Now we're shifting our focus onto the actual labor and delivery itself. For the past few months i have probably not done as good a job as I should have being the coach that i am. From here on out, its all about breathing, visualization, relaxation, etc.

To that end, I found the following of some use:
Breathing Techniques
Suggestions for Labor Partners

In addition, we're planning on using a Doula

another book?

So in conversing with our neighbors yesterday, one heaped loads of praise on the next book in the "What to Expect" series called What to Expect the First Year. She told me to go and buy it now...now!

She also has the The Baby Book that we got a while ago and found that it did not have a significant amount of practical information when it came to actually parenting for the first time and not knowing what to do.

From our conversations, and the amazon reviews, the books seem to have significant differences philosophically when it comes to parenting. For now, we may stick to the book we have (Sears) and avoid the other, but who knows....

stroller frustrations

So even though the Baby Trend Snap & Go stroller is supposed to work well with our Graco SnugRide carseat, the stroller we bought is manufactured wrong or something. The installation holes for modifying the stroller to fit the car seat are drilled too close to the edge, making it impossible to install properly.

So i called Baby Trend, and tried to explain the problem. The quickest they could get the part to me is in 5 days! Anyone ever hear of FedEx? The woman on the other end didn't seem all that pleasant or willing to believe that it might have been manufactured incorrectly. Not only do i have no idea if i'm going to get a properly made part, but i'm not even totally sure that she understood what the hell i was talking about. The underlying assumption by all these "help" people is that the end user is an idiot and/or wrong. But i've got a freaking degree in mechanical engineering so i'm pretty sure i know how to assemble a simple stroller.

So we'll hold on for a few days and wait for the part -- if its not good, back to the store it goes and here we come Graco Metrolite.

from the field

Two of our neighbors had babies in the last 3 months and we were all chatting outside in the spring sun yesterday. Apparantly they both had the Peg Perego car seat (no idea on the model) and neither is happy with it. Turns out the sun shade doesn't do a good job actually covering the kids face.

As a result, one returned her car seat and switched to the Graco SnugRide. Score one good decision for us!

Overzealous Sales

I'll be the first to admit that I didn't know didly the first time we walked into a Babies R'Us store. Being confronted by 315 different car seats, 632 different strollers, 24 different cribs, etc. is enough to make you want to turn around and go home.

However, I had done a small amount of reasearch on both car seats and strollers on the consumer reports website as well as a cursury examination of amazon.com reviews. So we had an idea of which ones we wanted (Graco SnugRide and Graco Metrolite). The car seat has been consistently ranked as one of the best and to boot, our neighbor was using it.

When it came to the stroller, we got swayed by the salesperson and bought a behemoth called the Graco Quattro. She did the demonstration of all the bells and whistles and we were convinced. Upon balking at the hefty 30 lbs weight, she commented that its not really all that much given the kid will be around that weight pretty soon...sure....

In hindsight, 30 lbs might not be to much for her, but for L I can see it becoming a problem. So we're going to return it and opt for the Baby Trend Snap & Go Its easier to deal with and works well with the car seat.

Again,the Baby Bargains book has been great in making us realize that a 30 lbs stroller is just not for us. Either way, the stroller we really liked was the Bugaboo Frog, but $720 for a stroller was just a bit steep :-)

crib bumpers

Or otherwise known as conflicting information...

During our "birthing classes" the pediatrician recommended *not* to use the crib bumper pads as they could potentially suffocate a child. She also recommended a book ( the AAP one below ) that went on and suggested bumper pads are okay.....greaaat

Reading the baby bargains book, i think we've settled on their strategy. Don't get them for now, but if the kid is ramming his head or getting his arms caught in the slats, then go ahead and get the pads. And be sure to get the pads with ties on the top and bottom so the kid doesn't try to get himself caught in other ways....sheesh...

little person CPR

Take knowledge from a handful of books, add some advice from a pediatrician, sprinkle on two inexperienced border-line adults and you get pre-parental angst nearing panic. To alleviate some of that, L and I took the infant/child CPR class this past weekend in order to alleviate some of our many fears. The class we took was at the Red Cross of Philly.

After enrolling and paying the $60 each, i quickly did a price compare to a couple other red cross offices. BTW, the red cross web sites kinda suck as each regional office manages their own:

Denver / Boulder Red Cross ~ $42
Portland Area Red Cross ~ $35

Yes Yes, i know there are regional differences in cost, but my point is that it is worth it to shop around ! I wonder if there is a "froogle" for services / classes....? hmmm

Anyways, the class was pretty good. Ran about four hours long and covered both infant and child CPR. Not that there is a tremendous difference, but obviously what you might do for a child differs from an infant and its key to know said differences. The class included videos, demos on the mannequins, actual practice on the mannequin by us, and a multiple choice final. I'm not sure how well i'll actually respond in an emergency, but i'm pretty sure i ended up with the lowest score on the exam. Not that it truly matters, everyone "passes."

With luck, I will never ever have to apply whatever I learned in the class.

books...lotsa books

So, in getting ready for the birth of my first kid, i've been doing a ton of reading. Here in no particular order are the books i've been through so far, as well as what i think about them. I got most of them from amazon - who given that they snubbed me for a job, i shouldn't be buying from anymore, but whatever:

• The Expectant Father, by Armin Brott
• Baby Bargins, by Denise & Alan Fields
• Caring for your Baby and Young Child, by the AAP
• The Baby Book, by Sears and Sears

The expectant father is a great resource for knowing what's happening with your partners' body, moods, etc. I'm still using it as we get into the ninth month.

I just picked up baby bargians and it seems to have a great deal of product information which is key. I continue to believe that an effective male contraceptive is the Babies 'R' Us super stores. Way too many chioces...L commented that living in a communist country would be much easier.

Just got the AAP book as well - looks great. Lots of diagrams on the how-tos. For someone who has never changed a diaper, wiped a snotty nose, rarely held a baby, it seems to be promising.

The Baby Book is more of a philosphy book than i expected. The AAP book is more direct - "here is what you do to change a diaper" while the Baby Book is more along the lines of "changing a diaper in the sunlight is good for your baby and helps to soothe it." I actually like the way its written for the most part, but only time will tell if its usefull.

L picked up some books as well for the pregnancy stage:

• The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby
• What to Expect When You're Expecting
  

We shied away from the perenial favorite "what to expect..." book early on as it seemed too preachy based on the many amazon.com reviews. However, we did get a copy later from someone else and its not too bad - though i haven't actually read a word of it.

The "unofficial guide" is huge...almost too much information, but its a good resource to have to help answer those "can i eat this" or "what is that' questions that seem to come up.